FOURS STEPS TO GETTING WHAT YOU WANT

Have you had a situation where there is a difficult conversation that is to take place with someone, and you’re really passionate about the topic but you don’t want to come off overbearing? Unsure how to have a conversation about a certain topic?

A productive conversation with someone about any topic you’re really passionate about or have something to ask of someone else is a step-by-step process. To do that try the D-E-A-R M-A-N technique. This is a way to have hard conversations where you ask something from someone else. The D stands for describing; describe the situation. E is for expressing how you feel. A you assert what you want. R means you reinforce why it’s a good idea.

For the M-A-N you want to be mindful of how you come across, you want to appear confident even if you’re not, and you want to negotiate. What does this look like in an actual conversation?

Here’s an example

When an intern is meeting with a supervisor and several others, and they have to get everyone to change their schedule to fit the interns needs they can go into supervision and D, describe the situation. E they can express how they feel, A, assert what they want and then R, reinforce why it’s a good idea. The intern was M, mindful by trying to appear friendly, A, appearing confident, and N, absolutely willing to negotiate.

These steps are something that you can do for many situations in your own life. They don’t spend a whole lot of time it doesn’t need to be a half an hour long. This step-by-step process and how to do it can make conversations that are difficult much more manageable. This technique is from dialectical behavioral therapy, it’s an interpersonal effectiveness skill. Try it and see how it works for you in your next difficult conversation.